Benoight Collection
by writingowl
Summary: Under this I will be posting different one-shots that randomly pop into my mind. I guess you could call this the Benoight Collection.
1. I'm fine, she says

"Have Olivia and Fin landed already?" Erin asked as she sat across from his desk later that day. She had dropped them off at the airport that morning.

"Yes, she texted me an hour ago."

"I like her. And I know you do too."

"Erin."

"Oh come on, Hank. You can hide it from the rest of the team but not from me. You like her."

"She is great at her job."

"So that's why you told her you wished she was here more often?"

"Yes, she would help us solve a lot of cases."

"Hank!"

"And she would be good for you. When was the last time you had a good woman to look up to?"

"Camille."

"Exactly." Hank thought to himself that Camille had been the last good woman in his life as well. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better."

"And you will be there again."

"I actually talked to Olivia about it."

"You did?"

"Yes, right before you picked her up at Molly's." A small grin appeared on her face and he could have sworn he was her biological father. "You still don't like her?"

"She needed a ride to the hotel."

"Yet she never checked-in."

"Are you keeping tabs on her?"

"No, on you."

"What did she tell you?"

"Yeah, go ahead and change the subject."

"I'll make you a deal. You tell me what she said and I'll answer one of your many questions."

"Deal."

"Go ahead," Voight said as he leaned back on his chair.

"She told me about Lewis. How he wanted to get into his victim's head so they couldn't get rid of him, that they couldn't live the life they had planned and that is what I'm up against." She cleared her throat and pushed the tears away. "She reassured me it isn't wrong to be relieved to be the one to have killed Yates because he killed Nadia and came after me. I wanted to know how she dealt with her situation and she said she's still doing it but her phone is always on."

"And she truly means that, Erin."

"I know, I could see it in her eyes. But, Hank, what exactly happened to Olivia?"

"That is her story to tell, not mine."

"But you know."

"Yes, she told me about it last year when we were in New York for Nadia."

"Was it bad?"

Hank remembered that night perfectly. After he had gone to see Yates, he came back to her apartment where she was waiting for him with a Manhattan. Before he left the bar, Olivia pulled him aside and told him she knew what he was about to do. He didn't have time to complain before she said she understood but once he was done, he should show up at her apartment. In that moment, she didn't imagine herself telling him about Lewis, about everything he did to her, about the nightmares, about the flashbacks and about the scars but she did.

 _[287 days earlier]_

"I don't want to say I'm sorry because I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Plus, you would punch my throat."

"You are correct."

"But I am glad that son of a bitch is dead or I would be kicking his ass right now."

"You know what's funny? You didn't even know me back then and I know you would actually do that right now."

"Olivia, I didn't have to know you back then. I only need to know you now…to know you are the kind of woman I would kick anyone's ass for."

"I think this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Then you have been dating the wrong men."

"Oh, you have no idea."

"Good thing I'm here then," he chuckled as he downed the last of his drink.

"I want to show you something." Olivia stood up in front of him as she slowly started unbuttoning her shirt. She bit down on her lower lip and he could feel she was nervous. "I actually don't know why I'm doing this because I'm still self-conscious about it and I like you and I want you to like me but this may disgust you and…"

"Olivia," he placed his hands on her hips and stopped her body from trembling, "nothing about you could ever disgust me."

She took a deep breath as she let her white button down shirt hit the floor. "This," she pointed to a mark right above her pants, "is a cigarette burn. And this," she moved her hand upwards, "is a trail of those burns. And here," she placed her hand right under her left breast, "is a knife cut."

Voight didn't say a word. He placed his lips softly against the first burn mark and kissed it gently. Without his lips leaving her skin, he kissed along the trail of burns feeling the roughness. He looked up at her before going any further. That was when he kissed the scar underneath her breast and felt her body shiver under his touch. "Olivia Benson, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on."

"I am not."

Hank stood up still holding onto her waist. "You are. These marks to you may be a remainder of what he did. To me they are proof of how strong you are. You are a survivor, Olivia. And this," he traced the marks on her body with his fingertips, "don't change how I feel about you." He pulled her in closer to him and kissed her soft lips. At first, it was tender but then both of them allowed the passion to take over.

 _[present time]_

"Yes, but she is stronger than she believes so I know it will all be in the past one day."

"Does she talk to you about it?"

"Sometimes. After what happened a few weeks ago, with that Joe guy who held her hostage, she brought up Lewis again."

"And what did she say?"

"That is none of your business."

"Hank, please! I want to know how long it will take for me to forget Yates."

"Every experience is different, Erin. Every person is different. Olivia has her healing process and you will have yours."

"What if I can't get over it?"

"I'll be here every step of the way. And, like she said, her phone is always on."

"I'm glad we met her."

"Me too," without realizing it, he was smiling at the thought of the woman who had stolen his heart.

"Is it time for my question now?"

"Wasn't that what you were doing all this time?"

"You know what I mean, Hank. We had a deal."

"A deal is a deal. Ask wisely."

"Do you love her?"

"Love is a really big word."

"It actually isn't. It has four letters, not so big. Answer the question, Hank."

"I do. I think I've loved her since she threatened to arrest me."

"Yeah, no one could push you down like that." Erin laughed remembering the story he had told her about the first time they had met Olivia Benson. "But I'm glad you do. I'm happy after all these years you've found someone."

"I never thought I would."

"Believe me, neither did I. Camille was so special and unique. I never thought you would give your heart to someone new."

"But I did."

"You know, Camille would have liked her." Erin said as she stood up to leave his office.

"I know."

"You won't let her go, right?"

"As long as she keeps me."

"I have a feeling she will."

He watched Erin close the door and his mind went from Camille to Olivia. Before she died, his wife had made him promise that he wouldn't spend the rest of his life alone. In that moment, he hadn't wanted to think about other women or being with anyone else. He hadn't wanted to think about loving another person again. About opening up to someone and letting them into his life. In his mind and in his heart, Camille would always be the one he loved, the one he belonged to. He couldn't imagine another woman making him feel the way she did. Putting his feet on the ground like she did. Challenging him like she did. Pointing out when he was wrong like she did. But he had been wrong.

When he least expected it, Olivia Benson had popped into his life and turned it upside down. She was a match to him. She wasn't intimidated by him. She would stand up to him. She knew how to calm him down. She could understand what he was feeling better than anyone else –sometimes even better than him–. She knew his weakness and his strength. She had learned to love him the way he was. She had changed his world. Ever since their first case together, Hank had lowered his violence knowing how it bothered her. Yes, he continued to make use of some of his methods but there were certain lines he no longer crossed because of her. Erin was right. He did like her. He loved her. And, yes, he did wish she was there more often because having her around made everything better. They both seemed calmer around each other. But above all, he wished she was around more often so she could feel his love. If there was one thing Oliva needed, it was to feel loved.

What made him realize how much he loved her? The fact that he trusted her with his family. He would always talk about Justin and his grandson when they spoke on the phone. If by any chance he had forgotten to mention them, she would be the one asking. She told him she wanted to meet both of them soon. And when it came to Erin, Olivia was mama bear. He could see how much she cared about the younger woman and he loved her more for that. She was his family now. She was their family. And so was Noah.

"Well, hello stranger." Olivia said as she answered his Skype call. "I thought you were calling me not skyping me."

"I wanted to see that smiling face."

"Oh, are we back on those days?"

"What can I say? It was the first thing I noticed about you."

"I hadn't even smiled those days."

"Yes, you had. You were talking to your babysitter and she put Noah on the phone. The brightest smile appeared on your face."

"Were you spying on me, Sergeant Voight?" She grinned and raised her eyebrow at him.

"Don't flatter yourself, Benson. You had just threatened to arrest me so I had to see what I was up against."

She threw her head back as she laughed and he could feel his heart skipping a beat. "You will never let that go, won't you?"

"We will be eighty years old and I will still remind you of that day."

"Are you planning on growing old with me?"

"What if I am?"

All Olivia could do was smile. Everything was new to her. She had dated other men and even dreamed of a future with one or two. Yet she had never dreamed of finding someone like Hank –who had a life of his own and a family– willing to spend the rest of his life with her. She had come to the realization that she had never been with someone like him. Voight would always put her first. What she thought, what she believed in, was important to him. He cared about what she thought of him. He cared about her feelings. He cared about her job. He cared about Noah. He cared about her happiness. Somehow, he had shown up in her life when she needed him the most.

"I think you'll get tired of me before that."

"I could never get tired of you."

"Given the fact that I basically just left Chicago and you wanted to see my face, I think I believe you."

"I wanted to see your face when I asked you something."

"Okay," she sat up straight on the couch. "Go ahead."

"How are you doing?"

"This is why you wanted to see my face?"

"Yes because when we are on the phone you say _fine_ and I have to pretend I believe you. This way you can't hide from me."

She knew Hank was right but she hated that question more than anything. Olivia never knew how to answer. It didn't feel right to say "I'm doing like shit and I have no idea what I'm doing". That was why she always went with "I'm fine". That was the easy answer. She wasn't fully lying and she didn't have to explain the dark thoughts on her mind. Except, this was Voight. She loved him, why couldn't she be honest? She was afraid he would hear how messed up she was and walk away. But, what if he didn't? What if telling him the truth helped her feel better? What if she was honest?

"I'm doing like shit and I have no idea what I'm doing. There are days in which I wake up and feel like everything will be okay but a flashback hits me. Or I wake up sweating in the middle of the night because of the nightmares." Olivia shook her head as the last words left her mouth. "I'm sorry. I don't want to be a burden."

"A burden? Benson, you will never, could never, be a burden. If I ask, it is because I care."

"I know you do, Hank. It's just that…" She stopped talking.

"That what?"

"That sometimes I'm the one who doesn't care."

"Then on those days you let me care for both of us. But you have to let me know."

"It's hard with the distance."

"What would you want me to do? Would you want me to come out to New York?"

"It's like you said. I wish I was there more often. Or you were here more often. I don't know. When I'm around you, life seems easier. In your presence," she reached out to touch his face on the screen and he did the same thing, "I feel at peace. As if William Lewis had never robbed a part of me. You make me feel like myself again."

Voight understood she was opening up to him and he knew how hard it was for her. He cursed the miles between them and wished he could hold her that night. It hurt him to hear the words come out of her mouth, "As if William Lewis had never robbed a part of me", and all he wanted to do was reassure her that Lewis hadn't completely robbed her of life. Still, no matter what he said, it would never feel like it was enough to make her see how strong she was.

"Do you realize that is the first time you have ever said that out loud?" He saw her nod with tears in her eyes. "You have already come so far, Olivia. Remember the first time we slept together. How disgusted you fell at your own body. That isn't the woman I slept with the other night. You weren't trying to hide. You felt so comfortable in your skin that you didn't turn off the lights or covered your body with the sheets."

"That's a small thing."

"What? No, it is a huge thing. And, even if you consider it small, it's the details that make the difference."

"Who are you and what have you done to "what happens in the box stays in the box" Henry Voight?"

"I am the same man who is madly in love with you and wishes you could see yourself through my eyes."

"That is the first time you've said it."

"Said what?"

"That you are in love with me."

"No it isn't."

"Oh yes." Olivia smiled like she did the first time she was in Chicago. "You've said you love me but never before have you said you are in love with me."

"Well, now you know it."

"You are in luck, Sergeant because I am in love with you too."

"How could you not?"

"Cocky much?"

Hank laughed thinking about how much he loved her. "How did you find Noah?"

"I swear this boy grows by the minute. He was happy to see me and Lucy said he behaved while I was gone."

"Of course he did. Mama Benson taught him how to properly behave."

"She did," Olivia said as she laughed. "How are Justin and your grandson doing?"

"Both doing good. I talked to him this morning and they are coming to visit in a few weeks."

"That sounds great, Hank."

"Maybe you could come over."

"Could I bring Noah?"

"Yes. I think it's about time the family got all together."

"Let me know the dates and I will buy the airplane tickets."

"Thank you."

"Don't even," she raised her eyebrow at him. "How's Erin, by the way?"

"As well as one could expect her to be. She did say her conversation with you helped her so thank you for that."

"She is your daughter. It was the least I could do."

"Thank you for taking care of her as if she were your own."

Olivia felt the tears in her eyes but before she could say anything, she heard Noah crying for her. "Mama duty calls. Raincheck?"

"Yes, call me tomorrow."

"I will. I love you, Hank."

"I love you too, Olivia."

As she walked to Noah's bedroom, she felt things were going to be okay. She wouldn't feel better the next morning but she knew she was getting closer to that day. Hank made her feel strong again and she knew that with his love there was nothing she couldn't do.

"Mama is here," she said as she picked him up from his crib. "Guess what? We'll be seeing pops Hank in a few weeks. And you'll be meeting Erin and Justin and his son." She pressed her lips to her son's forehead as she said, "our family."


	2. I will love you until the end

"You are never letting it go, are you?" She said as she leaned against the counter and watched him drink his beer.

"You said it yourself. Never."

"Oh, Hank, come on." Olivia walked over to him and stood between his legs.

"You were standing the same way when you chose to lie to my face."

"I wasn't lying. I was just avoiding the topic." She rubbed his arms. "Plus, that was a long time ago. Why are you bringing it up now?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Please."

"Today marks six months since we first slept together and all I can do is picture him on you."

"If it makes you feel any better, you always fucked me better."

"It doesn't because it still means he touched you."

"But it didn't mean anything."

"It did to me. You knew how I felt back then and you still didn't tell me about that rat."

"But we are together now, aren't we?"

"Yes, but did we have to go through all that pain? All those fights?" Hank took a step back and walked towards his bedroom.

Olivia knew how deeply she had hurt him and she had never expected him to forgive her…but he did. Occasionally, the pain hit him again and he made her feel it. He spent four months not talking to her, avoiding her phone calls and never calling her back. One day, they had another case together and when she showed up, he called her "Lieutenant"; that had cut straight through her skin and she realized what she had done. Everyone in Chicago was mad at her and she knew she had to make it right.

 _[18 months earlier]_

She looked up from Erin's face and saw him standing by his office door. He had a small smirk on his face and those puppy eyes she knew he always used on her. She didn't know exactly why but her heart started beating faster.

" _Why does this always happen?"_ She asked herself as she lowered her eyes back to Erin. _"I'm with someone else. That's what I have to think about. I can't think about wanting to run into his arms after all these months. You are dating someone else, Olivia."_ She repeated in her mind as if thinking about it would make her stop feeling what she was feeling for Voight. _"I have to tell him. I have to set the record straight. But…what does he care? He probably isn't thinking about me. He's probably slept with someone else, right? But I still have to tell him. Maybe not now. But I have to."_

"Glad you're here." She heard him say and her eyes went back to him. Her knees started trembling and she took a step forward so her weakness wouldn't shine through. She couldn't let herself fall for him…more than she already had. She was with someone else and she wouldn't hurt Hank by leading him on.

"I wish you were here more often," he said looking into her eyes and once again her heart sped up.

" _I'm dating someone else,"_ she thought to herself. _"I will hurt you because the people I truly love always get hurt or leave me. And I can't lose you, Hank. I can't hurt you and I can't watch you walk away because I love you."_ She smiled softly at him without speaking. _"Love?"_ She asked herself. _"Yes. I do. I do love this man but I can't. I'm with someone else. I'm with someone else."_

 _[1 month later]_

"Hank?" She asked awkwardly as she let go of Tucker's hand when they stepped off the elevator. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, you called me last night."

"I did?"

"I guess you had one too many."

"Who is this guy?" Tucker asked looking at Olivia.

"Yeah, right. Ed this is Sergeant Hank Voight. Hank this is Ed Tucker." She watched the looks both men exchanged. "Ed, could you give us a minute?"

"I'll be inside," he said as he stepped into her apartment.

"Hank, I don't remember calling you." Olivia looked down to the floor. "What did I say?"

"That you were feeling alone and you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts. You said you were tired of constantly being reminded of the hell you've been through. And then you asked me to come." He shook his head. "I should have known it was the alcohol speaking."

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Olivia? Because I feel like you are playing with me."

"No, oh my god no. That's the last thing I would do, Hank. I care about you."

"You care about me? People care about pets not humans."

"Don't be like this."

"Like what?"

"Hank, I'm sorry. I should have told you I was seeing someone else. I shouldn't have called you last night."

"But, what is the truth? The one you are saying now or the one drunk Olivia said last night?"

"I tend to be more honest when I'm drunk."

"Just…" He took a step closer and kissed her forehead. "Call me when you are done playing games and want to be with someone who truly loves you."

 _[5 months later]_

"Nice to see you again," Hank said as she shook Fin's hand. "Lieutenant," he nodded at Olivia and didn't say another word. "You have full jurisdiction. As always. Thanks for flying out here." And with that, he walked to his office and slammed the door close.

 _Lieutenant_. She knew he was mad but the fact that he avoided saying her name or looking into her eyes proved how hurt he was. Benson wished she could make it better. Wished she could tell him the same night he left her she had broken up with Tucker. Deep down she understood nothing she said would make him feel better. She had hurt the one man who loved her more than life itself.

"Why did you come?" Erin asked as she pulled Olivia aside. "You should have sent someone else in your place."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play the fool with me, Olivia. I know what happened between Hank and you. We all do."

"Nothing happened between us."

"Oh really? You are going to tell me you were the only stupid one who didn't realize he loved you? You knew what he felt and you played with him."

"Erin, I didn't know. I didn't know he felt that way. I would have never hurt him on purpose."

"You were the first person he loved after Camille. I thought you were better than this."

"Fin and I are headed back to New York," she said as she stepped into his office. It wasn't as it used to be. This time she asked for permission before walking in.

"Okay. Thank you for your help, Lieutenant. Have a safe flight home."

"I would rather have you yell at me. Scream. Be angry!"

"I am not angry. I am heartbroken."

"Hank, I am sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't. You've already caused enough pain." He pointed towards the door for her to walk out. "The sad thing is that I will always love you."

 _[6 months later]_

"What are you doing here?" Hank asked as he opened the door and saw Olivia Benson standing on the other side.

"I'm tired of this. I hate knowing I hurt you and that you hate me. I miss talking to you, Hank! Miss the sound of your voice. Hell, I miss your interrogating methods. I miss you and I am not leaving until you get it all out of your chest and we are back on good terms." She pushed him aside and walked in. "Lay it on me, Sergeant."

"I don't have anything to say to you."

"Then we don't have to talk," she said as she started unbuckling his belt.

"What are you doing?"

"What we should have done years ago."

"What about the rat?"

"I broke up with him months ago." She looked into his eyes as she took his shirt off. "Will you just fuck me already?"

"This doesn't mean you have my full forgiveness." He said as he threw her over his shoulder and carried her to the bedroom as she giggled.

It didn't take long for their clothes to hit the floor. She was happy to feel the soft touch of his lips on her neck as he thrusted his hips against her. In that moment, Olivia realized how much she truly loved him. Her body matched his pace as he worked his hips in circles going deeper and faster. His lips went from her neck to her chest until they reached her nipples and he tugged at one of them using his tongue softly. Hank didn't know how much he needed to hear her moan his name until she did for the first time; it was music to his ears. She felt him grow in her and, wrapping her legs around his waist, pushed his ass making him go deeper in her.

"I love you, Hank Voight," she whispered in his ear as he made her body leave the mattress. A grin appeared on his face as he used two fingers to rub her wet clit. Their bodies slamming together, sweat drops running between her breasts against his chest, her walls tightening around him, his fingers getting wet with her excitement as he continued to rub her clit and their groans echoing around the room. "I love you too, Olivia Benson," he said between moans as he hit her g-spot and the orgasm hit them.

"Why did we wait so long for this to happen?" Olivia chuckled as he rested his head on her stomach and caressed the scar on her hip with his fingertips.

"Because you were fucking rats."

"Touché."

 _[present time]_

She leaned against the bedroom door and watched him sitting on the bed looking at _that one_ photo of Camille. He always did that when they argued. Part of her knew she should be jealous, but she couldn't. She thought it was adorable when he sat on the bed, his head hanging between his legs, as he held the photo in his hands. It was little things like that one that made her love him more. When he left his guard down and allowed his feelings to take over. He was all she ever needed and she couldn't believe it had taken her so long to realize it.

"You know you always do that, right?"

"Do what?"

"Every time we argue, you sit there holding her photo." She sat next to him and he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Does it bother you?"

"No, I actually think it's adorable."

"Adorable?" He chuckled. "I don't think anyone has ever used that word to talk about me."

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me." She nestled against his chest and took the photo from him. "She was beautiful, Hank."

"Yes, she was."

"Is this all you have left of her?"

"Nowadays, yes. I gave Justin her engagement ring."

"For his son's mother?"

"Yes."

"When?"

Hank thought back on that terrible day. He remembered fighting those men trying to keep them away. He remembered being handcuffed in that room as he watched them suffocate his grandson's mom. He remembered feeling no pain even when he got hit. He remembered his team walking in and helping the girl. He remembered the anger he felt as he realized Camille's ring was gone. He knew he wouldn't stop until he got it back and he would do _anything_ in his power to recover it. That was the last thing he had that had belonged to his wife and wouldn't let some thugs steal that from him.

"My safety box was stolen and they kidnapped me and my grandson's mom to get the code from me. They kicked me around but I didn't cave in until they started suffocating her."

"You never told me this."

"I wanted to forget it," he looked at her. "I didn't care about the money or the documents. All I wanted was to get back Camille's ring. The men had split up the things and we had to go after the one who had the ring."

"I can imagine how you reacted."

"Worse than ever but I got it back. That night I gave it to Justin. I wanted him to have it and maybe have a marriage as good as the one I had."

"That is the kind of love you find but once in a lifetime."

"Look at that, I found it twice."

"Hank."

"No, hear me out."

"I'm all ears."

"What Camille and I shared was unique. I married her six months after meeting her because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But our love had an expiration date. That was seven years ago when she died. We were never meant to spend our life together…at least not mine. That's when I decided to close my heart and not let anyone in. I didn't want to love someone and take the risk of losing them. That's when you showed up. Four years later. In you I saw what I had wanted all these years. Someone who challenged me. Someone who encouraged me to be better. Someone who motivated me. Someone who inspired me. Someone I could love. And I did, from the very first time. All the things I said, like miss your smiling face or I wish you were here more often, were signs of my love. So, yes," he looked into her eyes, "I've found that kind of love twice in my lifetime."

"Is that why me dating Tucker bothered you so much?"

"Not really. What hurt me was that you knew exactly how I felt about you and you went along with it. You sent me bourbon bottles. You sent me texts. You called me. You skyped me. Hell, woman, you were standing between my legs! You knew I loved you and you enjoyed knowing I was at your feet."

"I did but not for the reasons you think. I've loved you since the first time too, Hank. You saw me for who I was. To you I wasn't just my job. To you I was a woman worth getting to know. A woman you could challenge and push to her limits. You brought me back to life after what had happened to me. You and Noah are the reason I'm alive now."

"Look at us being adults and talking about our feelings." He laughed.

"Now that we are behaving like adults. You need to tell Erin that we are together. She's still mad at me and I hate it."

"You are the one who wanted to keep us a secret."

"I know but not anymore. We shouldn't hide our love. We deserve to be happy in public."

"You just want Erin to stop hating you." Hank smiled knowing Olivia loved Erin as if she were her own daughter.

"I really do."

"Would you want me to call her now?"

"Do you mind?"

"I would do anything for you." He said as he dialed Erin's number. "Hey, it's me."

"Hank, it's late. Is everything okay?"

"I have something to tell you. I've been seeing someone these last few months."

"I know. You've been fucking Benson."

"Language, kid. You knew?"

"Yes. I could see you were acting differently, happier. So I had Mouse show me your texts and that's when we find out."

"You went through my phone?"

"Look, you are my father. I love you and I needed to make sure you were okay. I know you love her. Sometimes I think you love her more than you loved Camille. But I don't want her to hurt you again."

"She won't."

"She is there, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"Put her on the phone."

"You be nice." He handed the phone to Olivia. "She wants to talk to you."

"Hi, Erin."

"I like you, Olivia. I really do. You are the closest thing I've had to a mother in years but if you hurt him again, you will pay for it."

"I will take care of him. I promise. And, Erin," she said as she looked at Hank, "you are like a daughter to me."

"Then you take care of our family."

Tears filled Olivia's eyes as she heard Lindsay say _our_ family. She wasn't lying when she said she felt Erin was her daughter. The feeling had started when Yates had escaped prison and, even after all that had went down, it hadn't gone away. When she realized she had hurt the young woman by hurting her father, Olivia hated herself even more. She wanted to be a role model, someone Erin could look up to but her actions had ruined that. Now was the time to fix that. She had the chance to make up for her mistakes. She was going to take care of _their_ family.

"Thank you, Hank."

"What for?"

"For bringing Erin into my life. For letting your guard down and allowing me into your heart. For loving me. For letting me love you. For loving Noah as if he were your son. For forgiving me when I didn't deserve it. For being you."

"I'm the one who should be thankful. I thought I would spend the rest of my life alone and then you came along."

"And you won't ever have to be alone again."

"Until you go back to New York."

"So, Trudy didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I can't believe she was able to keep the secret."

"What secret?"

"I put my papers in and asked for a transfer."

"You did what now?"

"Noah and I are moving to Chicago."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I am not. I have spent all my life looking for you and I am tired of traveling back and forth to see you. It's time I settle down."

"In Chicago?"

"In your arms….where I belong."


	3. Did I interrupt?

He could see her standing in his office as she always used to do when she was in town. But this time it was different. He hadn't seen her in five years. She had spent the last years sending Rollins, Fin and Carisi when their help was needed; she was too scared to face him and no one could blame her. She was married. He had just gotten his job back after spending four years in jail. He would have done more time –he should have– but somehow he got out earlier. He wasn't the same man. She wasn't the same woman. They were strangers. It was as if nothing had ever happened between them.

"Olivia," he said in his deep smoky voice. "I didn't know you were here with Carisi."

"Voight," she looked at him for a second before looking away. "This case needs my full attention. Oh, and I'm sorry to be in here without you. I just needed to go through your paperwork."

"You never needed my permission to be in here, anyways."

"Things have changed."

"Indeed they have." He looked at the rings in her finger and he felt something cutting through old wounds. "I guess congratulations are in order."

"Four years too late."

"Not like I could send you a congratulations card from jail."

"You shouldn't have been there in the first place."

"Shit happens, Benson." Voight said as he took a seat behind his desk. And it was true, shit did happen. None of them were to blame for it….or maybe they both were. She hadn't asked him to do it. But she hadn't stopped him either. Olivia knew she should have been the one to do it. She should have taken the gun. She should have killed the man. But he wouldn't let her. He knew taking someone's life would have changed her. That's why he did it. Because killing someone changed your life and he had already done it once too many times before. But he also knew when someone hurts your child, you don't stop until that person is dead. No, he wasn't Noah's father but he cared about that kid as his own.

 _[five years ago]_

Olivia looked out the window, it was raining like she had never witnessed a storm of the sort in Chicago, as she thought about how much Voight truly cared about her son…as if he were his own. Noah was finally asleep in the hotel bedroom as if the last two weeks had never happened. He had finally stopped crying but the bruises and cuts on his body were still visible. She blamed herself, of course she did. Her job had put her son in that situation and she could never forgive herself. A low knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"It's done," he said as she opened the door and allowed him to step inside. "That son of a bitch won't ever see the light of day again."

"Hank, you shouldn't have."

"And let you do it? No, I know how that would have affected you."

"Now it affects you."

"I've done it before."

"But this was my fight."

"You would have done the same for my kids…kid. You would have done the same for Erin."

"I would have done the same had I been here when Justin was killed."

"I wouldn't have let you."

"You wouldn't have been able to stop me."

"Maybe your IAB boyfriend would have."

"He wouldn't have known."

"Those rats always know."

"They don't know you killed that man that night." Olivia looked at him. "They won't know about tonight, will they?"

"Don't worry about it, Olivia."

 _[present]_

"You told me not to worry," she said in a whisper. "Yet you knew they would find out."

"You didn't have to worry. Noah was safe and the bastard was gone."

"But you ended up in jail, Henry." It had been too long since she had said his name aloud.

"Small price to pay for the safety of your son."

"I owe his life to you."

"You don't owe me anything, Benson."

"I do. I owe so much to you."

She didn't just owe him Noah's life; she owed him her life. Olivia knew he was right: her life would have never been the same had she killed that man five years ago. She would have been a different person but Voight wasn't about to let that happen. He took control of the situation, which was odd. He was always in charge except when she was around. Every time Benson came around, Hank would let his guard down and do anything he could in order to please her. That night, years ago, he hadn't only done things to please her; he had done things to protect her.

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia wondered in a whisper.

"I can't really say no to you, can I?"

"There was a time when you couldn't. Nowadays I don't know."

"A lot has changed but that certainly hasn't." Voight leaned forward resting his elbows on the desk. "Go ahead."

"I know you got out of jail a year ago…"

"Get down to the point, Benson."

"Are…are you seeing anyone?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just want to know."

"What do you care?"

"I just do, okay? I know I shouldn't but I do."

"I am not. Who would want to date someone like me?" He looked into her eyes. "You sure wouldn't."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth, isn't it?"

"Henry."

 _[five years ago]_

"Henry," Olivia whispered as she took a step back after he had kissed her. "You know I can't."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He leaned back against the hotel bedroom wall and closed his eyes. He still remembered the way her body felt underneath his when they first slept together. He could still taste the traces of beer on her lips that night. They had been talking about Chicago and somehow ended up in his bed. It was the first time they had ever seen each other but the attraction was too strong. After that, they slept together every time they saw each other. But last time had been different. He said he wished she was there more often and she told him she was dating someone. A dagger had cut right through him.

"How did we get here?" Hank asked as he watched her sit on the bed next to Noah. "How did we go from sleeping together and saying I love you to you being engaged to someone else?"

"That was three years ago, Hank."

"I still wonder how you could start dating someone else when we were still…"

"Still what?" She interrupted him. "We just slept together when we were in each other's cities. What was that?"

"I told you I loved you, Olivia." Hank lowered his voice, "wasn't that enough?"

 _[present]_

"It was never enough," he said.

"What wasn't?"

"My love. It was never enough for you and I still can't understand why."

"It wasn't you. I know," she said as she saw him roll his eyes, "the most cliché line in the history of the world. But it truly wasn't."

"Then what was it?"

"I don't know. I guess I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"How real it felt."

"Because it was real, Benson. I really did love you."

"Did?" She asked as she played with her wedding ring.

"What?"

"You really _did_ love me. Past tense?"

"Did you expect me to love you forever?"

"I was thinking…I was hoping that hadn't changed."

"I can't wait around forever. I can't love a woman who loves another man."

"Who says I love him?"

"So you don't?"

"I don't know, Henry. I don't know."

"That has always been the problem with you, Olivia. You just don't know. You don't know if you love me. You don't know if you love him. You don't know what to do with any of us. So please, what do you know?"

"I know five years ago you put your life on the line for me. I know I have my son with me because of you. I know I close my eyes and I can still remember the way your hands used to touch me. I know I keep my blue blazer, the one I wore that time we were chasing Yates, in the back of my closet and I take it out when I feel lonely cause it still smells like you. I know I hate myself for not flying out here for Justin's funeral. I know I still look for answers at the bottom of a bottle from time to time. But above all, I do know I love you…always have and probably always will."

"See, Margaret," he would always use her middle name when he wanted to set distance between them, "I'm not buying it. You enjoy this game too much. You love my attention. Hell, you tease me for it. You say things like this but then you go ahead and break my heart."

"I'm not playing any games, Hank. I never meant to hurt you"

 _[five years ago]_

"I never meant to hurt you," she spoke after a few minutes of silence in the darkness. "Ed and I…we just happened. I don't know how and I don't know why but we just happened."

"And what about me? What about us? Was it all a game?"

"You know it wasn't, Voight."

"I don't know anymore."

Olivia could see the outline of his body as he sat on the sofa in the hotel bedroom. She could hear Noah's soft snores as he slept right next to her. Three years ago, that would have been her happy place; with Hank Voight and her son. In that moment, it was just a reminder of an enormous amount of mistakes she had made through the years. She started dating Tucker only a few weeks after Voight had said he loved her. Olivia knew she was unable to love him the way he deserved to so she chose to push him away instead. Ed Tucker wasn't the safest bet but she could give him just the enough affection he needed. That was all she could do while hiding behind wine bottles….which had eventually put her son's life at risk.

"I just can't do this. Noah needs me; he needs me at my best."

"Is Tucker your best?"

She knew the answer to that but she couldn't say it aloud without breaking. Instead, she repeated, "Noah needs me."

"I need you too."

 _[present]_

"I needed you," Hank said breaking the silence.

"You've never needed me, Henry."

"How mistaken you are."

"Who could need me? Why would you need someone like _me_?" She took a deep breath to push away the tears that were forming in her eyes. She wouldn't breakdown. She had to be strong. "Why would you need a woman who used to be drunk every hour of every day? Why would you need a woman who put her child in danger nearly having him killed? Why would you need a woman who chose another man over the amazing love you were giving her? Why would you need a woman who let you go to prison for her and never once visited you? Why would you need a woman who wouldn't even love herself? Why would you, Hank Voight, need me?" Tears were, against her will, running down her cheeks as the last words left her lips.

"Do you want to know why?" He left his chair and stood leaning against the edge of his desk. Slowly and gently, he took her hands making her stand between his legs. "I need that woman because the first time I saw her I felt alive after many years. Because oddly enough she is the only one who can understand me. Because she has always been able to keep my feet on the ground. Because even when she chose someone else she still held my heart in her hands. Because I would go back to prison a thousand times if it meant she was safe. Because as she stands right in front of me and I should be furious at her I can't help but think I would give my life to see her geniuenly smile again, to see her love herself the way I've always loved her."

Olivia pressed her forehead against his before she spoke again, "I did mean what I said."

"That you love me?"

"Yes, I've always loved you but you've always deserved a love better than what I could have given you."

"The sad thing is that you made that choice for me without letting me decide."

She looked into his eyes. "You know how you said your love wasn't enough?" He nodded. "I wasn't enough for your love, Henry."

"I don't think that's true. I believe you were, like you said, afraid of how real it felt and made your way out in the most painful way possible. You did hurt me by choosing him."

"Funny, he says I never did choose him. That my heart has always been set on you but I married him because I couldn't have you."

"You always had me, Benson."

"Oh, sorry," Erin said as she stepped into the office. "I didn't know you were here, Olivia."

Benson smiled gently as she took a step back and Hank spoke, "what is it?"

"We have a lead. It's something both of you should see."

 _[five years ago]_

"Oh, sorry," Erin said as she stepped into the hotel bedroom with Olivia's keys. "I didn't know you were here, Hank."

"I was just leaving."

"Olivia, Antonio is ready to take you and Noah to the airport."

"Thank you, Erin. I better wake Noah up."

Erin smiled before leaning closer to Voight, "did I interrupt?"

 _[present]_

Erin leaned closer to Voight as they followed Olivia out of his office, "did I interrupt?"

"Just like you did five years ago."


	4. First day of first grade

A hyper 7-year-old Noah run around the apartment yelling because he didn't want to fall asleep. Hank laughed from the kitchen as he washed the dishes and Olivia sat on the floor trying to catch the little boy every time he ran in front of her. She couldn't believe her son was starting first grade the next day. If she thought about it, she couldn't believe the turn her life had taken. Had someone told her two years ago that she would find herself in a relationship with Hank Voight –who had moved to New York to be with her– she would have never believed it. A few mistakes had been made on the way to her happiness; she didn't regret them but she wished it hadn't taken her so long to realize with whom she truly had to be.

"Stop laughing, Hank. You are encouraging him to keep this act up." Olivia said a little bit serious a little bit kidding.

"Kid, stop running and go to sleep before your mom arrests us both."

"Yes pops!" Noah ran to his bedroom and jumped on his bed cuddling his teddy bear. "I'm ready!"

"I…" she rolled her eyes, "cannot believe him. I've been asking him to stop for twenty minutes. You say one word and he does it. How do you do it?"

"He likes me. You, not so much."

"Oh shut up." Olivia walked towards her son's bedroom and couldn't help the smile that was drawn on her face. Who was she kidding? She loved knowing her son listened to Voight. "Ready to sleep?"

"Yes, mommy."

She sat next to him on the bed and kissed his forehead. "Big day tomorrow, are you ready?"

"I'm a big boy now."

"Oh I know you are." Her son had grown up so fast. She could still remember how she felt the first time she held him after he had been put under her care. She sat on that chair with him on her chest for an hour before she could go home. She couldn't believe she was finally a mother…sometimes she still couldn't believe it.

"I miss Ed, mommy."

"You do?"

The little boy nodded his head. "I like pops but I miss Ed too."

"I'm sure you can see him soon, okay? Now sleep." She kissed his forehead again and walked out the door.

Olivia leaned against the hall wall and closed her eyes. Of course, Noah missed Tucker, he loved that man and she couldn't blame him. Noah was just a little kid when she had started dating Ed. After they got married, he had become an important part of her son's life. He took him to school when she couldn't. He took care of him while Olivia worked nights. He became a father to Noah whether she liked it or not. When things got ugly between them, Tucker continued to be an amazing father figure to the boy. Olivia hated him even more for that because she knew how much Noah would need him. And she was right, the boy needed him.

Noah was three years old when they got married. Things had been great for a year. Tucker was an amazing husband and took care of them but it didn't last. He got tired of playing the husband role. He missed his job too much and blamed Olivia for the loss of it. Of course she had nothing to do with it but it was easier to blame her. That's when the fights had begun. She started drinking again and realized that wasn't what she wanted for her life. After three years of marriage, they decided to put an end to it and he walked out of their lives. She hadn't seen him again and Noah missed him. When she had started dating Voight, six months ago, Noah had fallen head over heels for this new man in his mom's life. Voight was amazing to him and had left his life behind to move in with them. But now the time had come in which Noah missed the man he used to call dad and Olivia didn't know what to do.

"Everything okay?" Hank rested his hands on her waist as he stood in front of her.

"Yes."

"Benson," he raised his eyebrow at her reminding her she couldn't lie to him.

"He misses Tucker."

"That's understandable. He was important to him and then one day he disappeared."

"I know it's understandable but what am I supposed to do? I haven't talked to him in a year."

"Maybe you'll have to because your son needs to see him."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Olivia," he took a step closer to her and pressed his forehead against hers, "he was a part of Noah's life for three years. You can move on and forget about him because he hurt you but it doesn't work like that with Noah. He doesn't know all the shit that went down between the two of you."

"I…I don't want to talk to him, Hank. He…he hurt me. He became a man I didn't recognize and I don't think I could handle seeing him again. I know Noah may need him but I don't think I could take it. It wouldn't be good for me."

"Would you like me to talk to him?"

"Would you do that for me?"

He couldn't believe he was about to say yes. He hated "Ed" Tucker. For years, Hank had been on the other side of the phone all those nights Olivia needed someone to listen to her. He had been so mad when she told him she was getting married because he used to believe there was something between them. But he got even angrier when he found out Tucker was neglecting Olivia and ignoring her, blaming her for the loss of his job and the failure of his life. He never physically hurt her but had always made Olivia feel bad about herself. Unbelievable, he was always good to Noah and took care of the little kid as if he were his own. That's why he was willing to call him: because he knew Noah needed to see him.

"I will do it because we both know Noah needs it."

She nodded, "let's go to bed." She took his hand and walked to the bedroom with him. She was so thankful for Hank Voight. So thankful he had been able to forgive her after everything that had happened between them.

 _[two years ago]_

"I can't do this," he heard her say on the other side of the phone. "I can't keep doing this, Hank."

"Olivia, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"My marriage is wrong."

"I could have told you that before you got married."

"Hank, I'm serious."

"So am I." He closed his eyes trying to push away the pain he had felt when she told him she was getting married. "Okay. What happened?"

"Everything is failing. He hates me. He blames me for having to quit his job. He says his life is a failure because of me."

"Olivia, you have to know that's not true. None of that is your fault."

"I feel like it is. Maybe if we hadn't been dating he wouldn't have had to quit his job."

"We both know that's now why he quitted."

"But maybe things would have been different."

"Olivia, you cannot let him do this to you. You cannot let him put all the blame on you. That's not what married couples should do."

"Maybe I was never meant to be married."

"Yeah, you were never meant to be married to him."

She bit her lower lip trying to contain the sobs. "Hank…"

"You know how I feel about him, Olivia."

"Yes, I do." He could hear the door of her apartment being opened. "He is here. I will talk to you later."

"Take care of yourself, Benson."

 _[present]_

She heard the alarm go off and for a moment she forgot the nightmares from the night before. It was Noah's first day of first grade and she felt her stomach flip inside of her. Her baby boy was growing so fast and she still had a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that she was a mom. Days like today –when something special happened– made her feel so proud of the great turn her life had taken and how far she had come. But then she would remember all the things that weren't okay, that were going wrong, and her happiness decreased. She needed to forget her troubles for the time being because Noah was the one who needed her that morning.

"I made you coffee," she heard the deep husky voice say from the door.

"Aren't you lovely?" She sat up on the bed resting on her elbows. "You were up early."

"Didn't get much sleep."

"What happened?"

"I was just thinking about Tucker and Noah."

"I had nightmares about that," Olivia took the cup from him and took a long sip.

"It's just that…are we sure it will be good for him? I just don't know how I feel about a man who treated you so badly being around him. And I know Noah needs to see him but I don't feel comfortable with it."

"I don't know how comfortable I feel about it either. I want what's best for my son and I know to him the best would be seeing Tucker but…is that really the best?"

"Maybe we think about it for a while and see what we decide." He kissed her forehead. "I want to take care of both of you."

"You always do that, Hank."

Voight had been up thinking about it. Yes, Tucker had been good to Noah but did that make up for the way he had treated Olivia? He knew making decisions for Noah's life wasn't up to him, he wasn't the father, but he felt he had to tell Olivia exactly how he felt. He didn't feel comfortable with a man who had been so horrible to her being around her son. And above all, Tucker had disappeared from Noah's life. While he was with Olivia he acted like a father figure but once their marriage was over he had stopped being around for the little boy. There had to be a reason why he did it but nothing would make up for the way the kid had felt with him leaving. Yes, Noah missed Tucker but one day he would understand why Hank didn't feel it was okay for them to see each other. He only hoped Olivia agreed with him.

Hank was sitting in the living room reading the newspaper when he saw Olivia walk back into the apartment after dropping Noah off at school. Her eyes were swollen and there were still tears running down her face. He knew it was because her son was growing up and part of her wanted to slow time down. He walked up to her and wrapped his arms tightly around her. Olivia buried her face against his neck and took a deep breath. She still couldn't believe how big Noah was getting and how fast time was going by. Couldn't she just freeze time and keep her son a little boy forever?

"He's growing up way too fast."

"That's parenthood, Benson."

"No one told me it would happen this fast."

"I don't think anyone ever warns you what it will be like. But it's a wonderful experience."

"Oh yes, I wouldn't change it for anything but I would like to slow it down a bit."

"Just wait until you're a grandmother; it is even worse. Your kid has a kid and you actually get to spoil them without having to worry about rules and parenting."

"Okay hold on! I am not ready for Noah to be a father."

"But it will happen."

"Yes but not now. For now, I like my kid being a little boy and getting to enjoy your grandson."

"So…technically you already are a grandmother."

"Step-grandmother."

"Oh step my ass. You treat that child like your grandson."

"I love him as if he were mine."

"He is."

"Is this what it feels like to date Hank Voight?"

"What does it feel like?"

"Amazing."

"I am quite amazing."

"So cocky!"


	5. For the first time in fifteen months

She paced her office like a trapped dog. Fifteen months had gone by since the last time she saw him. Yes, he wasn't there to see her…he wouldn't even set foot in New York unless it was necessary. Not after what had happened between them, right? Olivia had spent all these months thinking about it, him, them. So many nights she had found herself dialing his number and hanging up before he could answer. The thought of hearing his voice, hearing him whisper her name, brought tears to her eyes. She missed him but she couldn't say that after what she had done…she had lost every right to miss him. However, none of that mattered now. They were supposed to work as a team and then he could go back to Chicago, back to hating her. Because he did hate her, didn't he?

"Liv," Fin said as he opened the door, "Hank and Erin are here."

"Thanks. I'll be right there." She took her glasses off throwing them on her desk and bracing herself for the reunion. "Erin, nice to see you again."

"Wish it was under better circumstances."

"As do I," she turned around to face him, "Sergeant Voight," she nodded.

"Lieutenant," he nodded back. "Lindsay and I brought the files we had. The rest of my team is sending everything to Rollins and Carisi. A word, Olivia?" He looked at her with that look she knew so well…she wouldn't be able to escape him.

"Of course, my office."

Fifteen months since the last time he saw her. The last time she said his name. The last time they had talked to each other. He was still confused about what had happened. Had he hurt her? Hank didn't truly know. All he knew was that one minute they were okay and the next she was crying, screaming and running out the door. That was the last he had heard of her. Of course he had tried calling her but she never picked up the phone. Forty-eight hours earlier, they had found two women sexually assaulted and killed. Investigation led them back to New York. Forty-eight hours later, Voight was standing in her office.

"You never answered my calls."

"Sergeant…"

"Don't Sergeant me, Olivia. Not after everything we've been through," he took a step towards her. "What happened?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fifteen months ago. My bed. You running away yelling at me."

Olivia took a step back sitting on the edge of her desk. She knew perfectly well what he was talking about. That night had played in her mind over and over throughout the last months. "Hank, I can explain…"

"Sorry to interrupt," Erin said popping her head through the door, "we have a lead."

"Show us."

Benson reached out and squeezed his arm. "We'll talk later. I owe you that."

 _[fifteen months earlier]_

"Thank you for talking to Erin tonight," Hank said as he got back into bed handing her a beer bottle. "She really looks up to you."

"There's not much looking up to do," Olivia took a sip. "I just understand how she's feeling and I don't want her to think she's alone."

"Like you did."

"Yeah, like I did." She had her team and they helped her get out of that situation but she still felt alone. As if there was no one she could talk to. Therapy was one thing but she needed more than that. When she adopted Noah she felt less alone in the world but there was still no one to talk to. Hank had noticed that the first time they slept together. He had kissed every scar and burn mark on her body. He had softly asked her about them and, when he heard her talk, he looked at her saying "you haven't really talked about this to anyone, have you?" Somehow he knew and for whatever reason she trusted him in a way she had never trusted anyone before. After that, every time they slept together she felt comfortable in her own skin, she felt wanted and maybe even loved. Did she feel that with Tucker? More than once she had felt uncomfortable in bed with him…is that why she had just cheated on him?

"I have to go," she said as she put the beer bottle on the nightstand and got out of bed. "This was a mistake."

"What? Olivia wait, let's talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. I should have never, "she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks as she said the next words, "fucked you." Olivia could see the pain in his eyes especially after she said she hated that phrase. "I have to go," she started getting dressed as she walked out the bedroom.

"I don't understand what's going on. Everything was fine. We were fine."

"Nothing about that was fine!" Why was she hurting him? "This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come to your house, Sergeant."

"Don't you fucking dare Sergeant me after what we just did."

"What we just did was a mistake." She slammed the door on her way out and heard him push a chair against the wall.

Hank stood naked in the hallway unable to wrap his mind around what had just happened. She had been the one to call him after she left Molly's saying she needed to see him before she left in the morning. Of course he was happy to see her and spend time with her outside the office. It had been a long time since their last night together and he missed her. He missed holding her in bed as she slept fighting her nightmares away. The way she'd slap his chest when she caught him staring at her. How she would smile at him when she woke up. The sound of her laughter as he chased her down the hallway to her bedroom. So yes, of course he had agreed to see her before she left but now she was gone and he didn't understand why.

 _[present]_

"What's the deal with Voight?" Carisi asked Erin when they were getting coffee.

"What do you mean?"

"Him and Olivia?"

"Why don't you ask them?"

"And get killed? Thanks but no thanks. I just figured you'd know something."

"He may trust me but Olivia is off limits."

"What does that mean?"

Erin rolled her eyes. "I don't know, Carisi. All I know is that they haven't seen nor spoken to each other since Yates."

"Is he bothering you?" Amanda stepped into the room.

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on between Olivia and Voight?"

"Better leave that rock unturned."

"Listen to your girlfriend, Carisi. She is smart." Voight said leaning against the door. "Are we done digging through my personal life? Can we catch this son of a bitch now?"

They all knew Benson and Voight had been sleeping together every time they were in each other's cities. In one occasion, he had dropped by without a case and spent the weekend with her. Then one day, they saw her with Tucker and didn't understand what was going on. They had bets going around on how long it would take Olivia to make it official with Voight but all of that disappeared. When Yates escaped to Chicago and they followed him there, nothing seemed awkward between Lieutenant and Sergeant. Everyone had assumed Voight was accepting of her relationship but that was the last they heard of him. They knew something had happened but they were too afraid to ask…all except Barba.

"What the hell is going on?" He closed the door behind him as he walked into her office. "And don't say you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Something happened the last time we saw each other and we haven't talked since then."

"Then talk to him, Olivia."

"I will but not while we have an ongoing investigation."

"Whatever the hell this is, it's affecting both of you while working the case."

"That is not true."

"Oh come on! Don't you think we've noticed? He is not himself and neither are you."

"I fucked up, Barba."

"Then unfuck it up." He looked at her. "This is the man you love, we both know that. You wanna say you left Tucker for professional reasons but you and I know that's not the truth. I don't even like Voight but I know you are happy with him. I know you regret whatever happened but you missed him because that's what you said during every drunk conversation we've had. So, suck it up, say sorry and fuck the man again."

"Barba!"

"You can thank me later."

Olivia knew he was right. Hank was the man she loved. The only one who understood her. The only one who listened to her. The only one who had her back even when she was being irrational. Many times they had argued while working a case but in the end they always made up and found themselves laughing in bed. He always knew how to make it better and she didn't understand why she hadn't let him try to fix it that night. She fully blamed herself for everything that had happened. For not talking to him. For turning his back on him. For avoiding his phone calls. She could have done better but she didn't and now all she could do was ask for forgiveness.

Benson opened her office door and leaned against the door, "Hank, could we have a word?"

They all exchanged looks as Voight walked into the office and closed the door behind him. "Yes, Benson, what's up?"

"I wanted to say I am sorry about what happened."

"I still don't understand what happened. We were okay. We were in bed talking and then you pulled away. You left."

"Do you want me to explain that?"

"Would I be standing here otherwise?"

"Last time we slept together, I was in a relationship with Tucker…"

"Wait, what? Why didn't you tell me you were with someone else?"

"Because I wanted to be with you. Yes," she said as he rolled his eyes, "I know that's wrong. I know it was cheating on him."

"I don't give a fuck about him. What bothers me is that you didn't tell me. I wouldn't have slept with you if I had known that."

"What are you saying?"

"That I would have never helped you cheat, Olivia." Hank shook his head. "Is that why you ran out?"

"No, not exactly."

"Then why? Why did you leave me like that?"

"Because I thought about how you made me feel. When I am with you I feel so comfortable with who I am. I feel like you want me. So I started thinking about how I didn't have that with him and I couldn't take it."

"You could have told me this. I kept calling you trying to understand."

"I didn't know how to say this before."

Voight took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her waist before whispering. "You are wanted."

"I am?"

"Benson you are going to drive me crazy. Of course you are wanted. I have wanted you since you threatened to arrest me."

Olivia smirked feeling safe in his arms again. "That's the point of this relationship, right? I drive you crazy."

"Relationship?"

"You know what I mean, Voight." She slapped his chest.

"I do not, that's why I am asking."

"Well, we've fucked around."

"Does that make this a relationship? And Tucker?"

"Tucker and I are done."

"And us?"

"And I love you, Hank."

"Do you now?"

"Will you shut up already?"

"I love you too, Benson." He said as he kissed her lips softly for the first time in fifteen months.

"Pay up, Carisi," Rollins said as they saw them kiss through the blinds. "I told you they would make up."

"What? I can't believe this."

"Oh come on," Erin said as she sat on Amanda's desk, "we all knew this was going to happen."


End file.
